Thursday, October 19, 2006

Attraction: The Elephant in the Room

No one really likes to talk about the role of attraction as a foundational component of a marriage relationship or a relationship potentially leading to marriage. I think we all feel a little guilty that we're still human. I also think (let the pontification begin) that most of the people who say it doesn't matter are people to whom it mattered a great deal before they were married.

In any case, Scott Croft has done a great job of presenting a balanced view with biblical reasoning. I loved this anecdote:
I once counseled a Christian brother in his dating relationship with a great woman. She was godly, caring, and bright. She was attractive, but not a supermodel. For weeks I listened to this brother agonize over his refusal to commit and propose to this woman. He said they were able to talk well about a lot of things, but there were a few topics he was interested in that she couldn't really engage with, and sometimes the conversation "dragged."

He also said that, while he found her basically attractive, there was one feature of hers that he "just pictured differently" on the woman he would marry. I would ask about her godliness and character and faith, and he said all those things were stellar (and he was right). Finally, he said, "I guess I'm looking for a 'ten'."

I could hold back no longer. Without really thinking, I responded, "You're looking for a 'ten'? But, brother, look at yourself. You're like a 'six.' If you ever find the woman you're looking for, and she has your attitude, what makes you think she would have you?"
HT: Carolyn McCulley


Greg Linscott said...

As a happily married man, I am laughing.

BTW- I am glad my wife settled for a "4.5". :D

Anonymous said...


hey, I was once a 10. A few square meals later and I am a 25!

Interesting topic and article though. It reminds me of a poem by Robert Service, not a Christian! But he did have some insight into human nature. The poem is entitled "?" It starts off:

If you had the choice of two women to wed...

and presents the options of the 'stolid saint' and the 'sparkling sinner'.

Here is a link to the poem:

Sorry again for the long link!

I am not sure how Service would choose (I have a suspicion, given his spiritual condition!)

The truth is that in this decision, as in many others, happiness is in self-denial and pursuing godliness.

Don Johnson
Jer 33.3

Ben said...


Don't sell yourself short. That extra .5 makes all the difference in the world.


How does poetry fit into our previous sufficiency of Scripture discussion?

Anonymous said...

How does poetry fit into the discussion of the sufficiency of Scripture? Well... I am not sure I understand the question, exactly.

I do think that men do have insight into the human condition and some write exceedingly well about it. Some are able to do so and also write popularly, like Service, or Mark Twain for another example. Dickens also, to some extent, but he was more or less writing cartoons, I think.

The clearest insight does come from the Scriptures, and perhaps being well versed in the Scriptures helps us to understand the words of writers like the above even better than they understand them themselves.

I am not sure I am making any sense. Help me!!!

Am I sort of heading in the direction of your question?

Don Johnson
Jer 33.3